The Internet Solves All Mysteries! (Even After 23 Years)

Last weekend at 12:45 a.m., after 23 years of (okay, very intermittent) searching, the Internet answered a seemingly unanswerable question I'd had since 1986.

I played my first video game in 1984. I was in second grade and living in Massachusetts when one of my dad's coworkers gave him some ancient PC (even for then!). By PC, I mean it had a keyboard and a monitor. It must have been a Commodore 64, though I swear ours only displayed black and white. The "hard drive" for this thing closely resembled a cassette tape player. All the game cartridges, for games like hangman and various other semi-educational games, were cassette tapes. The thing was abysmally slow and I got more enjoyment out of watching it boot up than from the games. From the time you turned it on to the time it was ready to use, you could make a bag of popcorn and eat half of it.

Two years later, my family got an Atari 2600 along with games Air-Sea Battle, Centipede, Chopper Command (one of my favorites), Crackpots (a fun one), Defender, Dig Dug, Donkey Kong Jr., Dragster, Frogger, Joust, Missile Command, Moon Patrol, Qbert (which I despised), and Zaxxon.

I remember all of these games being just impossibly difficult. Then again, I had not yet reached the apex of my gaming skills (attained '94-'98 between the Super Metroid/Legend of Zelda/Super Mario Bros. years and Mario Kart 64).

But there was one game we owned that I didn't list and this is the game that has tormented me for 23 years. That game is Pitfall II: Lost Caverns. I don't at all regret my youth spent on Super Metroid, Legend of Zelda, or Mario Kart, but I truly wish I could take back the time I spent on Pitfall II. This game was a boring, lame youth waster. Yet it had a catchy soundtrack. Perhaps the ultimate catchy soundtrack.

You see, there was this one section of the game where you had to jump and catch a horizontally travelling balloon which would, of course, being a balloon, stop travelling horizontally and, as if sensing Pitfall Harry's urgent need to ascend, begin travelling vertically. During your ballooned ascent you had to dodge horizontally travelling bats which, being a particularly vicious type of bat and the variety for which balloons are mortal enemies and perhaps occasional prey, would explode your balloon, sending poor Harry plummeting to his demise. Quite a pitfall, as it were.

But most importantly, whenever Pitfall Harry was ascending on a balloon, the game soundtrack would switch to this magnificent! Reeling! Airy! Drunken! Free-wheeling song! The song so perfectly suited a precarious balloon ride that it was etched into my brain! Well, perhaps it was an endless repetition of bad balloon rides and slow-to-improve balloon-piloting skills that contributed. Repetition being the key to learning and all. And to be honest, I really don't remember any stages past the balloon ride part, so it's quite possible my 23-year old quest is the result of this particular failed quest on the Atari 2600. I swore to my wife that I'd heard this same song in other contexts: a ferris wheel or a carousel, on cartoons, in a tipsy movie scene, etc. Yet I could never remember quite enough detail about those contexts to be able to check song credits.

At this point, I knew the balloon ride song was a waltz. It had the three beat of the 6/8 time signature. Years of grilling my classical music-loving mom and hours spent skipping through Strauss's works and the works of other Viennese composers turned up zilch. I'd sing the song for musically well-rounded friends and they'd be no help at all.

So I hadn't checked in with the all-knowing Internet on my Pitfall balloon song question in maybe a year. On Saturday night around midnight, struck by a particularly interesting and dramatic tuba rendition of the "dun dun duhhh!" sound of suspense on 30 Rock, I began Googling "dun dun duh suspense drama sound effect". (But to no avail. There are an unfortunate few results that might be turned into an entertaining ringtone.) Pretty soon I was thoroughly rabbit holed into Googling sound effects when I suddenly remembered my little "Pitfall II problem".

I Googled "pitfall atari video game hot-air balloon ride" and the glorious result? A YouTube video of the balloon ride! (Go ahead, watch it now. This is where you decide I'm nuts.)



Pitfall II was taunting me. After two decades of not hearing the song, I got to hear it again. It was exactly as I'd remembered but I was no closer to discovering its name. (No, I didn't notice the first comment about this video.)

I Googled "Pitfall II". The top entry was this Wikipedia entry. I clicked skeptically. Lo and behold, the sixth paragraph:

"Another enhancement over the previous game is the addition of a soundtrack. The musical cues act as subtle rewards and punishments for performance. The main "heroic" theme plays for a short while before reaching a loop of atmospheric music. When Harry collects a treasure, the main theme begins again. If Harry dies, a downbeat version of the theme plays, continuing until Harry succeeds at finding more treasure. Finally, if Harry ascends using the Balloon, Sobre las Olas ("Over the Waves") is played."

SOBRE LAS OLAS! OVER THE WAVES! BY JUVENTINO ROSAS!

A classic waltz by a Mexican composer published in New Orleans? Now I can understand why it took the Internet 23 years to answer my question.

Listen to the Edison Military Band play Sobre Las Olas and picture yourself floating from a balloon high above the Earth (or below, as in Pitfall), walking precariously across a tightrope, enjoying a circular trip around the carousel or carnival swing set, reeling drunk on the high seas, Googling aimlessly...

Next up? The intro music to the WWII u-boat simulator Wolfpack, the between-programs string music I heard on our local NPR affiliate KCFR (sounds like Copland?), tunes from the Japanese pop band "Seagull Screaming Kiss Her, Kiss Her", oh, and a "dun dun duh" ringtone! Because now, after 23 years, the suspense is finally over.

It's a Good Thing Flu Season Is Off Season: Exercise and Immunity

The New York Times Well blog, in its ever-snarked, contrarian way, asked recently "Does Exercise Boost Immunity?". The answer: moderate exercise boosts the immune system and intense exercise hampers it.

This answer requires some explanation. What do moderate and intense mean and just how much boosting and hampering are we talking about?

According to this article, moderate exercise is compared to a leisurely jog or walk. For endurance athletes, a leisurely jog is a warm-up. Intense exercise is described as "a workout or race of an hour or more during which your heart rate and respiration soar and you feel as if you are working hard". For endurance athletes, this is 2 out of every 3 workouts.

The endurance athlete's "neck check" needs some refinement. The traditional guideline for endurance athletes is to go ahead with a workout if your illness is a head cold -- above the neck. If you're sick below the neck -- with a cough or something intestinal (or a fever) -- ditch the workout to avoid getting worse. 

One expert interviewed said that "Moderate exercise...may prop up your immune response and lessen the duration and severity of a mild infection....It is okay to exercise if you have a simple head cold or congestion — in fact, it may improve the way you feel. I would avoid heavy, prolonged exercise with a head cold, though.". 

So endurance athletes fighting a cold (or fighting to stay healthy in a germ-ridden workplace) should adjust their workout intensity. Skip the intervals and stick with easy, aerobic workouts like a zone 1-2 ride or base run for intervals.

Heck, isn't that what the off season is for?

News for Nerds Update: Google and Windows 7 Edition

Google now commands 6% of all internet traffic. Relatively, that doesn't sound like much. Absolutely, that is a lot of internet traffic. Take that Facebook!

But Google isn't paying much for all that bandwidth. Why? It seems that Google has been buying up huge amounts of previously unused fiber optic cable. Google doesn't just draw traffic, Google actually transports its own traffic. Google also seems to trade traffic with other large cable owners in a "swap", with no money changing hands. Wired.com "YouTube's Bandwidth Bill Is Zero"

Microsoft released Windows 7 today. Lifehacker, my favorite tech blog, released its Complete Guide to Windows 7 which includes:

• how best to install it (upgrade vs. clean, partition vs. traditional)
• new features in Win 7
• new mouse and keyboard shortcuts
• tweaks, hacks, and more

I've been using Win 7 since July, and I'm loving it. Then again, I've been using Win 7 on a screamin' new PC, so that might be juicing its performance.

VeloSwap, the Cycling Flea Market, Is This Saturday

Here's an obligatory plug for VeloSwap, the consumer cycling show that is part of the my employer's corporate "family".

Okay, so VeloSwap is usually mobbed by 12,000 to 20,000 bargain-starved, two-wheel fanatics.

And, alright, it's got that BMX stunt team making noise every few minutes.

Sure, sure, it's located in Denver's most miserable venue, the National Western Complex (home of our Pro Rodeo and right across the street from the Purina factory).

BUT, VeloSwap is also a great way to rub elbows with people who, like you, are really passionate about riding (and getting a great deal).

Check out the 'Swap and see if you can score that sweet Serotta road frame you've been looking for or a lightly used wheelset fer yer fixie or a new mountain fork. At VeloSwap, you really never know what--or who--you're going to run into.

Barnes & Noble's Kindle Killer Features Adorable Name

Barnes & Noble unveiled its ebook reader today and it's called... The Nook! It's a great name, I think, giving rise to warm associations like nooks, crannies, cozy little spots to curl up and read... a digital book. The name sounds like book, but perhaps that "n" is for new. It's just a short hop to "I'm reading a nook." Where "Kindle" conjured kindling (and paper book burnings?), Nook sounds nice.

The LA Times has a great bullet point review of the Nook's features, which you can also read on this Barnes & Noble product spec page.

The B&N product page offers a side-by-side comparison of the Nook and Kindle 2. Notable Nookish features include:

• both wireless and wifi connectivity
  
• support for the open-source EPUB and eReader formats
• grayscale e-ink and -- taking a page from the iPod's album cover browser -- a 3.5 inch color touchscreen for browsing your library and navigation
• USB connectivity for direct file import
  
• the ability to "lend" ebooks to any friend with a computer or smartphone for 14 days.
  

Combine this with B&N's industry-leading store (over 700K titles), and you've got a pretty compelling device. In fact, the only two features Kindle has over Nook are 4 more days of battery life and the ability to read Word docs.

News for Nerds Roundup: Book Publishing Edition

Google Announces Its Ebook Store
The world's largest ebook library announced "Google Editions", a 500,000 title ebook store that will launch during the first half of 2010. Reactions to the news varied. Bezos, with his 350,000 ebooks, was overheard muttering "Dang!".* Barnes & Noble's 200,000 non-Google-provided ebooks alternated cheers of "Crap!" and "Yahoo!"*. Manufacturers of the 15 ereader devices expected to launch by mid-2010 cheered for joy* while Kindle owners sighed with disappointment*, victims of their all-too-familiar love of glitzy proprietary formats (ahem, Apple).

Meanwhile, a Popular Science magazine reader explains How to Build Your Own Kindle
A Popular Science reader builds an ebook reader that's full color and can read any ebook format. Cost? 1 hour and $100 less than a Kindle. Disclaimer: Okay, the guy just loaded a few ereader software programs onto a tablet PC. Not that cool. Still, the point remains: Kindle is overpriced and underfeatured and, courtesy of Google, about to be out-titled.

Meanwhile, the RIAA and MPAA learned that they have no hope against BitTorrent.
Book publishers attending the Frankfurt Book Show this weekend fretted openly at this sign of things to come.*

Meanwhile, the Association of American Publishers scratched its head*, noting that ebook sales accounted for just 1.6% of the $5.25 billion in U.S. book sales in the first half of 2009.

*not really

Federal Trade Commission to Regulate Blogs, Twitter

Soon, Bloggers Must Give Full Disclosure
New York Times

"The F.T.C. said that beginning on Dec. 1, bloggers who review products must disclose any connection with advertisers, including, in most cases, the receipt of free products and whether or not they were paid in any way by advertisers, as occurs frequently. The new rules also take aim at celebrities, who will now need to disclose any ties to companies, should they promote products on a talk show or on Twitter. A second major change, which was not aimed specifically at bloggers or social media, was to eliminate the ability of advertisers to gush about results that differ from what is typical — for instance, from a weight loss supplement."

"“If a product is provided to bloggers, the F.T.C. will consider that, in most cases, to be a material connection even if the advertiser has no control over the content of the blogs," said a lobbyist."

What this means for marketers:

• Nothing at all! The burden seems to be entirely on bloggers.
• Bloggers may clam up initially. Though the regulation will apply to all bloggers, as with any other federal regulation, enforcement will be isolated to highly trafficked blogs and to those instances in which a blog reader reports an infringement or sues. Like all social networks, blogging caters to niches. Few blogs are so big that they will come into the FTC's radar. I think we can expect business as usual for the majority of blogs that cater to niche readerships.
  

What this means for bloggers:

• The burden is on bloggers, not publicists, to disclose that they received a product for free. But how? Will bloggers be required to disclose on every post? Can a blog post a disclosure disclaimer on its About page and consider itself compliant?
  
• This article does not refer to a value minimum for disclosure. All free products require disclosure.
  
• What about products reviewed and then returned to the manufacturer?
• This new regulation says that bloggers must disclose to readers when they receive a free product or payment to review a product. What about when a marketer provides both free samples to a blogger and also advertises on that blog? Is it possible to separate editorial from advertising when just one person manages both efforts?
• What will happen to spamblogs, blogs which republish product descriptions in order to capture search engine results and earn money through retail affiliate programs? Spamblogs have no "person" running them, but they use the blog platform to earn a buck.

This regulation is win-neutral-lose. Consumers should benefit from full disclosure about possible conflicts of interest. Unscrupulous manufacturers, the ones paying bloggers to review their products favorably, will lose an unethical way to advertise. The majority of manufacturers should benefit in the long run from more trust with consumers.

Many bloggers will lose big, especially the ones accepting payments. This regulation will put some blogs out of business, but given the seemingly endless supply of them, this seems like a small loss to society.

For the idea of blogging, this regulation is a big win. While many bloggers will lose income, this regulation represents a return--at least idealistically--to the spiritual roots of the blog.

Update March 25, 2010: the FTC's announcement and the FTC's actual guidelines (pdf).

News for Nerds Update

Whoa! I really fell off the blog pace there, didn't I? What happened? Well, I was training for a 5K, ran it, got sick, and went to Interbike. Now I'm back, still recovering, and just now checking the news. Funny how the world moves on, even when you check out for awhile. So here's where I'm behind the curve:

Tungle makes Google Calendar, Outlook, and iCal talk to each other. No more "I didn't get your meeting invite because you're on a Mac!" excuses?

Take a look at Lifehacker's intro to Google Wave, Google's new integration of email, IM chat, and web apps for online collaboration.

I've been a die-hard eat-lunch-outer. I spent thousands of my first job's meager salary exploring Baltimore's Lexington Market. When I moved to Washington, DC, I blew my cash on Starbucks and pay-by-the-pound buffets (blech). In Boulder, I've been burning cash at Salvaggio's Deli, the Spicy Pickle, Ozo, and the like. This isn't the most affordable noontime nosh strategy. Here are some suggestions I haven't yet tried on how to make packing a lunch less like tossing a frozen burrito into a sack:

• Washington Post packed lunch menu suggestions
• Lifehacker's survey of various lunchy tips
• Seattle Times's extensive suggestion list, with recipes